This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It Author: | Language: English | ISBN:
B009KF1GK4 | Format: EPUB
This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It Description
Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. This is not a metaphor.
You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends, and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out.
Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.
- Audible Audio Edition
- Listening Length: 14 hours and 54 minutes
- Program Type: Audiobook
- Version: Unabridged
- Publisher: Brilliance Audio
- Audible.com Release Date: October 2, 2012
- Whispersync for Voice: Ready
- Language: English
- ASIN: B009KF1GK4
SYNOPSIS: Unlikely heroes Dave and John unwittingly bring about the "zombie" apocalypse. Faced with an impending doom of a ridiculous nature the two must get to the bottom of the mystery and save the world.
MY RATING: Five Stars
PROS: Side-splitting laughs, nail-biting horror, heroes worth cheering for, and a homemade triple barrel shotgun.
CONS: It ends.
VERDICT: Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller that makes zombies relevant again.
Some time has passed since the events of John Dies at the End. Dave is happily dating Amy and undergoing court-ordered therapy for shooting a pizza deliveryman with a crossbow. John is mooching off others and peeing off of water towers. Molly the dog is eating whatever food Dave drops on the floor. Life is never "good" in [Undisclosed] but for the moment it is relatively peaceful. That is, until Dave and John become pawns in a sinister science experiment set in motion by the Shadow Men. As the result of gross incompetence and a lack of foresight these two white-trash monster hunters unleash havoc upon the world. Despite a penchant for making mistakes it falls upon Dave and John to wrong the rights and fight evil.
John Dies at the End by David Wong (pseudonym of Jason Pargin, Senior Editor and columnist for Cracked.com) was the best book I read in 2010. On my list of favorite books of all time it is near the top. By the time I encountered it there were already a legion of diehard fans and talk of a film adaption by Don Coscarelli, the director of Bubba Ho-Tep. So I was late to the party but I sought to remedy that with the sequel, This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It. I was honored to receive an ARC that I promptly read cover to cover.
Got home 4:45PM, saw package in mailbox. Knew right away what it was. Put it on the side, put it to the back of my mind, delaying what I knew must happen just a while longer. Walked the dog. Got myself prepared.. Motionally (couch), emotionally(things), physically(drink/snack)...
5:30PM .. Opened the packaging..
Out jumped a spider.
Let me preface the rest of this review by first saying that if you havent yet already read john Dies at the End then what are you reading reviews of the sequel for??!??! Go buy John Dies.. now .. Go read it tonight.. Thank me or curse me out later, either way, and then come back here.
Ok, you caught up now? Good. This book is not John Dies at the End... This is a much much much darker tale. There is humor to be sure, but it's humor that plays like the 1st breath of fresh air you take after swimming through a lake of rancid feces. It's like sunbathing during the eye of a hurricane, which just demolished every house in the neighborhood except yours, and you know is 5 minutes away from coming back to remedy that. It's a short break in between what should come to be known as one of the best horror novels written in years. The true source of the real horror the book has to show though may just shock you. The story carries you throughout the distance of the book like a manic monkey crab, thing.. Setting up an intricate net that hangs just outside of your vision, waiting to be drawn shut around you. The web David Wong spins would make even the darkest shadow pale in comparison. The tension built up to a tipping point the slightest fart could blow over, and just when you think it couldn't possible take you any further..
11:45 PM...
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